Eat. Play. Love. Repeat.

I don't have anything to say.

Truly. I keep wanting to post something new on the site and find that there are some things I could complain about, other things I could celebrate and still more that are just the teensy tidbits flying around in my brain like fluff. Not worthy of a big ole "post"!

Still.

I read recently that when you feel adrift or amok or a-whatchamacallit you should muse on the fact that a dead person would give ANYTHING in the world to just be in your skin, just for an hour. To feel life. To smell your child. To wipe a toddlers ass. To bake for your loved ones.

I've had a bit of thing lately about playing with my kids. I don't want to. I usually love to have chats in fairy wings over garlic and lettuce sandwiches on a tin tea set. Or watch a Triceratops "show" at DinoWorld complete with a water, dragon fountains and flips. Who knows? Maybe I never really liked getting down on the floor and making petting zoos out of Legos.

I try to wake up and say "thank you" as I fall out of bed (like the part time Buddhist that I am) and bound through the house like the image I carry in my head of what I would like to be as a Mother. Fresh. Open. Endlessly creative. Ready to make a bundt cake quick as you can say "Supermom." And hey, I am sure most people see me this way. (I am after all a recovering actress) But what if it's all just smoke and mirrors. Something my Mom drilled into my head that she herself never did.

So. I just breathe. Slow down. Eat my peanut butter with apples. Throw back the daily vitamins. And today when Grand Slam bounded up to me with sparklers in his eyes and asked if he could whisper something in my ear I said yes. He stage whispered 'I wanna play with you!' and I had to laugh. Life, like children, will always give you what you need to work on right now. And as I helped him lay out his dinosaur flash cards across the floor in a line and as I was eyeing my book I'd give anything to read at the moment, I suddenly hear...Pointasaurus. Jagged Eye Rex. Snortadactyl. I realize that he is making up his own names for these dinos! And I get to hear them! And they are mindbogglingly cute and hilarious and absolutely one hundred percent my son. No one else. And how could I want to be/do anything else?

We learn this over and over as Mom's. It's like those self help books you read that blow your mind open sideways with a life changing concept. But, by mid turkey sandwich at lunch time you've forgotten how to even spell the word peace and are telling off the counter person for putting too much mayo on the wrong side of the bread.

Today I will try and just wake up. Eat. Play. Love. And, thankfully, repeat.